Here is where I will document different parts of my life. I hope to write both weekly updates and longer blog posts. Weekly updates will be labled as such.
recently i've been debating if i want to move my blog posts to blogspot. part of me wants somethign thats a bit more organized. I might make indevidual pages on my website , i'd just worry about it being too cluttered. we'll see.
11/10/24 - update
It was... not my intention to neglect my neocities for a month, but my october got fairly busy with school and then a trip. during october i visted Betty and stayed with her for 5 days. The beginning of the month is a blur. i counted down the days until i could finally see her. being there felt like a beautiful dream. everything felt safe and perfect, and I didn't have to worry about anything. coming home was one of the most difficult things i had to do, and i found myself in a state of deep depression. The election has not made this deep depression any better. i'm deeply upset and angry at the state of the world. i find it difficult to believe that trump was elected, but not really. deep down i knew that this would happen but seeing this reality makes me overwhelmingly upset. i'm trying to have hope and do what i can.
i've already planned my next trip to see betty. i need to have something to look forward to or i'll feel the weight of everything crumble in on me. this, along with the announcement from a creator i love and look up to has made me hope january won't be soulcrushing. theres currently a lot going on for me. My birthday is in 10 days, which is something i'm kind of looking forward to. i don't have any real plans yet besides probably watching something with friends. i'm working to get through the end of my semester right now as well. theres only around a month left and i want to finish strong. in addition to this, my laptop is breaking... the desplay is getting increasingly messed up and sometimes will go completely black. i will probably be getting a new computer soon, which, while exciting is quite frustrating. i had to get this laptop repaired 4 months ago and it's already breaking again. Everything feels very disjoined right now, which i'm sure is apparent from this entry.
i have several creative projects i want to work on,some that are feasable and some that aren't. ideally i'll be starting them over winter break. i have website stuff i want to work on as well but i don't know when that will be. right now i need to deal with my school work and get through this semester. i'll do my best to update soon and not forget again.
that's it for this week. i really don't have much more to say other than i'm tired. i have a few plans for the site so we'll see when i get to those.
9/17/24 - update + longer blog
I was meaning to write something last week, but it’s taken me a little bit to fully adjust to my school schedule and i haven’t had the energy. So far, i’m liking all of my classes. It seems like my professors are good at their jobs and not … like what i had to deal with last year, which is really reassuring.
For today’s blog i actually wanted to talk about something that i’ve noticed increasingly online. Recently i’ve started to see videos in my recommended that are like (name of movie) ENDING EXPLAINED !!!! and WHAT (movie) IS REALLY ABOUT and mostly when i see these i tend to ignore them because they aren’t the type of content i enjoy watching. Around two weeks ago i was on youtube and i found a video titled Midsommar - Complete Guide (Everything Explained) by the youtuber Novm. I’ve seen several ‘midsommar explained’ videos on youtube--it’s definitely more abstract for a mainstream film--so at first i didn’t really pay attention to it… Until i saw that it was 6 hours and 55 minutes long. For context, that’s nearly 3 times as long as the original movie (midsommar having a run time of 2 hours and 26 minutes, making the exact number 2.8repeating times longer). And that’s just wild to me! It baffles me that someone would spend 7 hours watching a video EXPLAINING A MOVIE that takes a 3rd of the time to watch. I don’t understand explained videos because that's all they are; explanations. They aren’t analyses, they don’t add anything, they just hold your hand without you even needing to experience the media. And that’s kind of insane, right? Media is made to be consumed. People spent hours of their lives writing and filming and editing this movie only for you to listen to some other guy TELL you what the movies about and what it all means without you even needing to experience it and being able to form your own thoughts. It feels incredibly reductive to media consumption and media analysis as a whole.
It’s not just movies either, video games get the same, if not worse treatment. I’ve seen so many videos about Silent Hill that I thought were going to be an analysis or opinion piece that were just summarizing the game! TotallyPointlessTV seems to be the biggest channel doing this with Silent Hill specifically. Explain to me how you’re gonna make a video called The Best Psychological Horror Game Ever and not even touch on WHAT makes it the best psychological horror game ever !! it’s so frustrating because there are interesting things you could make a video talking about, and yet you decide to just summarize the game with shitty quips interspersed throughout.
I don’t even really know how to end this blog post. It’s frustrating to see especially when i know this isn’t a problem i can just solve. I want to analyze media and have constructive conversations but i feel like that’s getting harder and harder to find online…
9/1/24 - weekly
Despite it not having been a full week, I've decided to write my weekly blog post a little early, as a way of getting it on track to be published on Sundays as well as having something for the first of the month. I start classes again this Tuesday, which I'm really looking forward to. I’ve also gotten consistent work for at least this month, which will be nice. Today I’m going to do my best to clean my room in preparation for the new semester. I want to be able to have a space where I can focus on my work.
Anyways, I plan to keep working on my website. Right now i’m focusing on making my nav bar into an Iframe. My whole site is sort of janky right now and I want to clean it up so it’s easier on myself to update and such… That's all for this weeks update. I'll have something more substancial by next week.
School starts next week on the 3rd. I'm really excited for my classes this year and in general i miss having a stable routine. i'll also be seeing my dad again on the 3rd. I haven't seen him since we went to the funeral services together and i've missed him.
I have some plans for my website going into the fall that I'm excited to get working on. These plans include writing an actual about page, getting my art gallery up and running, and releasing one of the shrines i've been working on. I also have a much larger project thats in the works, but its still in the very early stages of development. I enjoyed checking in with you all this week, next week i'll have another post about the start of school & perhaps a longer, more serious blog post.
8/19/24
August has been mostly a blur. one moment the month began and the next it's the middle. i feel like i hardly remember anything distinct, with every day blurring together. I had been meaning to make a 1 month top surgery update but life had other plans. i had a very sudden death in my family, which consumed so much of my time and energy. i'm hoping now that with the funeral over I can use my time working on projects of mine.
In terms of surgery, i've been recovering very well. the first week was rough and the drains made everything more difficult. it was very nice when they were removed and i was able to shower and move about freely. Im no longer wearing the compression binder (it was removed at the end of july) and I feel incredibly comfortable. It's strange, it feels so natural that'll forget that i've even had surgery. I believe a combination of the compression binder and my poor posture due to surgery caused my rib to flare out. Thankfully I’ve been able to get it mostly back to normal through stretches and various exercises.
my next week is extremely busy with work, but afterwards me and my family are going camping which i'm very excited for. Im hoping to start weekly blog posts, so you can expect to hear from me again around this time next week.
it's a very surreal experience. while my body hurts slightly as a reminder that my surgery has taken plcae, and i'm more limited than i was, sometimes i forget that its happened. having wanted something for upwards of 5 years and having it finally happen after jumping through a million hoops with 2 hospitals and now having it finally happen is just...wild.
i am incredibly grateful for my friends and family that have supported me. i wanted to take the time to acknoldge them here as i really don't know what i would do without their support and love. my mother has been taking care of me every day, my friend Tarot was there to answer questions i had about surgies and anesthesia, i've recieved so many kind texts from friends wishing me a quick recovery. to everyone; thank you.